Relationshift

By Kiara Windrider

March 2, 2007

Note: I wrote this brief article in response to a request from the editors of “The Spirit of Maat”, in an effort to address new models of relationships emerging for so many people around the world:

Yes, the relationship paradigm is changing. I realize I am no longer seeking to be with somebody for any of the old reasons. I don't need someone to make me feel happy or fulfilled or alive, but someone who can partner with me in the task of creating a new world together. I don't need to possess, own, or control another person, but set them free to live their divine destiny as completely as possible. I don't need to even define what relationship is about, simply bless and honor the soul connection that exists, and let it unfold and change with the seasons.

This isn't always easy. We are caught between the old and the new. We are constantly dealing with old fears, insecurities, jealousies, and dysfunctional patterns. We are constantly dealing with our own expectations of ourselves and our partners, as well as expectations from the world around us. We haven't really created viable new models yet. Perhaps there aren't any defined models to create anyway, just a process of listening to our hearts in each moment, and trusting an evolutionary impulse that doesn't always make sense to our conditioned minds.

When I reflect on what kind of new paradigms we can create together, I think of "2150 AD", the futuristic novel by Thea Alexander. It speaks of an entire society built on a sense of vibrational resonance rather than the outdated Stone Age social conditioning that drives us today. There is the recognition that we travel in soul groups, and we find our sense of belongingness within this pod consciousness. We are not looking for a partner to magically fulfill every impossible need we have, but asking ourselves what we can give to rather than receive from each other. In this context, relationships and sex are a means for deeper communion with the whole, and the more unconditionally loving we are the more fulfilled we each can be within this pod consciousness.

In the society of 2150 AD, people have learned to move beyond the competitive model based on survival of ‘self’ to a pod consciousness where they derive their sense of identity from the entire soul group. There is the recognition that our highest joy is to support each other’s highest joy. Nobody owns or controls anybody else because ‘other’ is not separate from ‘self’. There is no need for jealousy or possessiveness because there is no sense of ownership.

Is this a realistic model for us today? I believe that the human species is in the midst of making an evolutionary leap. Sri Aurobindo referred to our emergence from the ‘animal human’ based on survival needs to the ‘human human’ based on emotional needs to the ‘divine human’ based on soul needs. Barbara Marx Hubbard refers to this emerging species as the ‘universal human’.

I feel that the paradigm shift taking place in relationships today is a response to this evolutionary impulse. The more attuned we are to this impulse the more we will be called to risk these uncharted waters. Perhaps each person’s journey of relationship will be absolutely unique. Perhaps it is not even about creating an alternative model of relationship but learning what it means to live from our hearts in each moment and to trust our unique process based on our own attunement to the emerging ‘divine human’. It is a process of maturity that grows from the inside out.

A new paradigm based on unconditional pod consciousness cannot be imposed from the outside. It is something that must emerge from within, which is why it can sometimes be so confusing. It is a process of breaking out of our old emotional and societal conditioning, and requires a great deal of awareness, self-respect, and trust in the process of life. In learning to love another more fully we are learning to love ourselves more fully. And it is only as we love ourselves more fully that we can love another more fully, finally extending this to the entire human family.